Midnight Oil

[Powderworks] NMOC: Dee Dee Ramone is dead.

Margaret Benzer benzer@mail.mc.maricopa.edu
Mon, 10 Jun 2002 15:02:24 -0700

Okay, my two cents worth on the subject.  I will start off my stating that I
have never tried illegal drugs and have no intention of doing so.  However, at
15, I was exposed to someone who was already a victim.  She would take speed,
but then she wouldn't be able to sleep for days so she would then take some
'ludes to bring her down.  But then she got too far down, so she would use
something else to get back up.  Then coke to get down.  She was only 16.  An
older boyfriend had hooked her two years earlier.  You wouldn't believe what
she would do to get her next fix.  She ended up moving in with her source.  It
hurt to watch someone self-destruct, especially at an age where your world is
in such a state of flux and your body is going through so many changes anyhow.

I also know from experience what addiction is like.  It is a type of
obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).  I have been treated in the past for an
eating disorder, another form of OCD.  Alcoholism is also another OCD which
unfortunately runs in my family.  I am so afraid of becoming addicted to
painkillers due to my previous eating disorder that when I had complications
from surgery four years ago, I wouldn't go back to the doctor right away
because I knew I would be put on extremely powerful painkillers.  So the doctor
had me alternating between two not so potent painkillers.  So I walk a fine
line, knowing that I can easily become addicted to anything that will make me
feel better, whether it be pain killers or starving myself or exercising to the
point of extreme exhaustion.  Through high school and college I chose dance to
escape the pain of life, destroying my knees but continuing to dance, so I can
understand how people who find joy in heroin can continue doing something that
they know is hurting them and the people around them.  It is scary to think
anyone could care so little about themselves, but the truth is that they are
just trying to find anything to lessen the pain.